When people think about “relationship gifts,” they often picture flowers, jewelry, or a weekend getaway.
Those are lovely—but they work best when given in a positive context and at the right moment. Not as “I’m sorry” flowers from someone who doesn’t even know what they did wrong, using gifts as a substitute for addressing and fixing the real issue.
The gift that truly transforms your relationship lasts a lifetime:
investing in your skills, understanding, and emotional intelligence as a couple.
Why This Matters Before (and After) You’re a Couple
It doesn’t matter if you’re just thinking about being in a relationship or you’ve been in one for a few years—relationships thrive on skills, not luck. The best gift you can give yourselves as a couple is wisdom—in the form of good books, courses, or resources that teach you how to:
- Navigate the hot topics without burning the relationship down 🔥
- Manage your own emotions and triggers 🧠
- Communicate with clarity and respect 🗣️
- Examine your beliefs and how they affect your love ❤️
Without these skills, couples can become vulnerable to two kinds of “intervention”:
- Well-meaning busybodies – like the stereotypical American macho man stepping in during a couple’s quarrel with, “Is there a problem here?” Or friends who—whether single or unhappy in their own relationships—offer advice that’s more about venting their frustrations than helping you. Some genuinely want to protect you from dynamics you describe, while others simply want to insert themselves. And occasionally, you’ll meet people who pride themselves on being “great lovers” and want to “show you a good time”—even though you never asked for it.
- Ill-meaning manipulators – such as those who deliberately try to seduce someone’s partner because they think they’re “better” or because they picked up toxic tactics from TV dramas about lust and domination. Or worse, toxic parents who actively try to separate you from your spouse so you’ll be free to take care of them in their old age (it does happen).
The stronger your communication and understanding as a couple, and the better your skill at managing your problems within the couple, rather that seeking outside allies, the less influence these outside forces have and the more you can focus on making truly magical moments together.
The Journey is Healing Before It’s Anything Else
Many people think the relationship journey begins when two people meet and commit. In reality, the early part of the journey is often about healing—unlearning negative dynamics absorbed from:
- Parents’ relationships
- Early breakups or disappointments
- A lack of experience in cooperation and conflict resolution (for example, one partner never having had siblings, while the other carries baggage from a strained sibling relationship)
Those old patterns don’t vanish the day you fall in love—they emerge in your couple dynamic. Without awareness, they can quietly or not so quietly erode the connection.
Building a Relationship That Works Wonders
Making a relationship beautiful and enjoyable isn’t about waiting for magic—it’s about creating it. The magic happens when both partners:
- Taking responsibility for how they show up in the relationship, even if one is better at it
- Choosing to create a positive atmosphere
- Respecting your own needs and your partner’s
- Adapting and evolving together
- Prioritizing personal growth, and sometimes even spiritual healing
- Communicating what you want, under what circumstances and why
These skills don’t appear overnight—they’re learned, practiced, and refined over time. And the great news about it, is that they compound.
How to Never Need Couple’s Therapy
You don’t have to wait until you’re in crisis. You can:
- Take a relationship communication course together or even a non-violent communication course
- Read books on emotional regulation and conflict resolution
- Attend workshops, courses or retreats designed for couples’ growth
- Work on yourself individually so you show up as your best self, like Claire Zammit’s “Feminine Power”
- Speaking with happy couple’s who are actually have some experience with handling their issues and learning their positive beliefs (best before even getting into a relationship)
When you invest in your relationship before it’s in trouble, you give yourselves the best chance to not only make it work—but to make it work wonders.
